Not Worth It

The other day, we received a call from a local day care provider whose waiting list we'd been on for several months. It's quite likely the best child care center in town -- educationally focused (on its way toward Montessori-dom), with a huge amount of space for play and outstanding facilities all around. If there had been space for A. in September, we would have leaped upon it with four paws. When the director called to let me know that a full-time slot had just opened up for December; my initial reaction was a miniature-scale version of how I imagine I'd react if my daughter were accepted to a top-rate university.

But we turned them down. It was a difficult decision in many ways, but it came down in the end to the fact that I'm not willing to surrender the two days a week I've been spending with my daughter since she was four months old. This semester especially, I've complained nonstop -- mostly inside my own head -- about the 30 days of work I've lost because I'm hanging out with a toddler all day on Mondays and Fridays. I've fantasized about how much I could accomplish if I simply had those two days at my disposal. I've occasionally persuaded myself that those two days would be worth an additional $250 a month.

And yet when it came down to it, the idea of losing all that time with my kid actually sent a wave of panic through me. We have another child on the way, and the next few months will be the last that I get to spend with A. as the first and only child. Her life is going to change dramatically once her brother arrives, and I want to spend as much time with her as possible up to that point. I think after five semesters in this routine, I'd be completely lost without my daughter's company. I'd likely spend those days missing her terribly.

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Not Worth It

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