Lessons from the Lake: Conflict CAN be good...I think...

We're back from our Michigan vacation at the lake--I’m alive. While the weather wasn’t bad (it only rained one time), it got a bit hotter around here it seemed every day, and with the increase in temperature, it has also ended up in some increases in tempers.

Why? Well, let’s just say this—my wife and her sister are both very strong, independent women who have a father who taught them to be that way. However, when you get them all together, it usually feels like we’ve reverted back 20 years when both of the sisters were still in junior high. When you have that situation possibility and combine it with boating, hot sun, and coordinating things between all of the family, you have got comedy that most sitcom writers would die for.

This has resulted in some pretty strong discussions that have been harsh by some measures. The majority of these arguments have happened in front of the boys, and no matter what, my wife always makes a point to discuss the situation with the boys afterwards to put in terms as to why those things happened and does it calmly and explains some rationality behind it. That means not necessarily apologizing for it, but explaining the why behind things.

The thing that I have had to adjust in my second marriage is looking at things through different eyes, and when it comes to conflict, I think that before I tried to shelter the boys from witnessing any kind of discussion that would be termed “fighting”, much because of the awkwardness that this normally caused me, etc. But I believe that I have learned that conflict can be healthy and the boys should be able to witness some of these issues that are appropriate to them, because this means that they learn how to argue or discuss things openly and in a positive manner. (I know that may sound like an oxymoron, but follow me here…) I’m not saying that by any means you should go out of your way to show children arguments and not hold any disdain of their presence, but what I am saying is that if there is a potential flare up or disagreement, that just because children are present doesn’t mean you have to button your lip. What it does mean is that you have yet another opportunity to teach them—and sometimes yourself—the meaning behind healthy disagreements, so that they may be able to deal with conflict in the same manner.

There’s a risk to this—because sometimes becoming too comfortable with this can lead to basically not being responsible in your arguments—such as throwing out F bombs or making statements that are over the top—but if you can continue to work on this situation and the boys can learn from this that it’s not necessarily a bad thing, then that’s a positive learning experience.

My positive learning experience? I learned to stay quiet and get down into the cabin during dock time. I am no boathand by even a remote definition, and with the “disagreements” and “discussions” that happen there as ropes are flying along with some shouting and even some tears, I found it best to sit below and hold onto a life jacket as if it were my long lost teddy bear. Alright, that’s not so much a positive learning experience, but I guess more of a survivor mentality, eh? Hey—I made it back, so that’s a definite plus!!

TAGS: Boys, Dads, Family Vacations, Fatherhood, Fathers, Parenthood, Parenting, Raising Children, Vacation, Vacation Humor
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