Give choices to 'Tweens

I am a dad of two boys, one six, one ten. One special note is that I am not a custodial parent but that my ex-wife and I have a very good relationship, and we both have spouses who get along extremely well also; in fact, many people just kind of give us that distant stare when they see us sitting together at ballgames or programs laughing and carrying on as if it is against the law of God to get along with your ex. Nonetheless, I digress.

The ten year old, Caleb, has been involved in many more activities as he has grown up, and with us living almost two hours away from them, it can mean some tough decisions by us-and by him. I say this because at this age, I fully believe that any decision that involves him and his future should have his 100% input and be able to foster the communication between all parties involved. This weekend, we discussed the possibility of Caleb playing football in their local program, something he has wanted to do for a while now. The issue is, they JUST came out with the schedules, and we found out that a main timeframe that he needs to be involved in centers around our family vacation which we have planned with extended family for over three months now and have reservations made, etc.,--you know the deal.

Now, the discussion that we had was not as bad as I thought it would be, because Caleb is someone who has a very level head upon him, and he really understands the things that are given to him as opportunities. Yes, he was bummed, but you may be thinking--ummm, what does that have to do with choices? Well, there was a second part to this; his baseball schedules were also finalized, and we found out that his postseason tournament COULD potentially run into this vacation.

Rather than deny him twice and then start the resentment of the trip, we (my wife and I) discussed with him the possibility that if his team advances to the finals or into the beginning of our road trip, we would leave the decision up to him whether he would want to stay and play or go with us to the vacation as planned. If he chooses to play, I would stay behind and then we would go up after the tournament was over (with a drop dead date of Monday of the following week (we would normally leave on Friday of the proceeding week-- included as a caveat--hey, gotta have some perks as being the parent, right?).

Caleb did not make a decision--as we don't expect him to--but I know that although he is disappointed that he won't be able to play football this year because of the entire week of conditioning and other variables--I know he appreciates being able to potentially play his tournament and still be able to partake in a vacation if he so chooses. I felt that was fair and I felt that it was something we could all live with and not be regretful of anything; it is a win-win situation, and I feel great about giving the choice to Caleb for what he feels he wants to do when it comes down to it. He may choose to go just full throttle with the vacation, he may want to play, his team may get eliminated and it will be moot--but the point is that Caleb knows that we've put that out to him, and hopefully this is just another brick in the road of trust and communication that will be vital as he goes from 'tween to---ugh---teen.

TAGS: Being A Dad, Blended Families, Boys, Dad, Divorced Dads, Fatherhood, Kids, Parenting, Parenting Advice, Parenting Styles, Tween
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