AWOL

I haven't been blogging here much lately, in large part because my wife and I recently learned that we're going to be adding another hungry mouth to gobble away at the planet's finite resources. We're thrilled, of course, but cautious. We had a miscarriage nearly a year ago, and that experience has been hovering in the background as we move closer to the end of the first trimester. So far, everything looks fine -- we're already beyond the point at which our last pregnancy failed, and we heard the kid's heartbeat for the first time last week. Still, it seems somewhat unreal to think about having another one in our lives. We've invested so much of our lives in our daughter, who will be nearly three when her first (and likely only) sibling will be born. It's hard to imagine offering her any less of our attention than we do now; I understand that parental love and affection is not a zero-sum equation, but I've been thinking a lot about how things will be with two of them in the house. In my selfish moments, I realize that right now, I don't want to love another child as much as I love my daughter.

Obviously, none of these things are unfamiliar to parents who've had more than one child. I came from a moderately large family, with four children to whom my parents gave their boundless (if awkwardly expressed) love. I can't imagine being without any of them, and I know -- or at least hope -- that A. will be grateful to us someday for offering her the chance to be a big sister. There's no risk we'll turn out like these weirdos, but hey, if things go well....

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